It was an awesome show. And I am so lucky to have had such dedicated peeps to end it off with. Richard from LGF, Midnight Marvel and Hairy Heart pantyliner Jean Hair. I am so lucky that Tiet hooked me up with this roland keyboard ( which started the whole thing really). That BBT Dougall hooked me up with Ableton. I am so lucky that I have a bf who has been listening to my insecure prattling for the past few months and still showed up on a work night to help me caarry my gear. I'm so lucky I did not lose anything this time round.
I'm so so lucky.
And right after the awesome Chemical Hearts show, B's friend messaged him to tell him that I'm getting a wad of free human hair to finally finish my Death Kimono doll.
Am I lucky?
I am fucking lucky.
Thank you!
- Lucky Girl
-
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
borndefiant- November 15th, 2:29
- do re Me.
-
- borndefiant
- November 14th, 5:21
wish me luck. It's a small thing in the grand scheme of things. But I'm glad there are still things that can get me all tingly like this.
- Oct and Nov
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- borndefiant
- November 9th, 22:06
Lightning speed! Everything going by lightning speed! Just the gig at POW to do and then I can start off with a clean slate liao. I tested out the electro set at Halloween and it was quite disastrous really, the nanokorg Lennat lent me would disappear halfway cause I think my lappie USB ports are faulty. So back to QWERTY for this rech challenged gal. Hopefully after the tweaks and Krishna power I'll pull it off. The main mission is to get drunk and have a merry good time rockin and rollin. That's all I've ever wanted. :D
Pics are essentially of noms and critters. After 2 yrs of pescetarianism, I'm eating the meats again. I have no grand explanation for it. I just felt like it. If you ask me, meat eating is still rather paradoxical for me. That's where I'm at now.
Bim Bim Bak from AMK was the first yum meal I had after I recovered from that ghastly flu.
Pidan the cat stoning.
Pidan ( Century egg) the food on me rice.
Smooth silken tofu toped with sauce, pork floss and century egg. YUMS!
Pig trotters in vinegar. This new place next to Fisherman's Wharf at Clarke Quay area. Tis their specialty.
Xiao Long Bao with Mumsy.
Dan Dan noodles!!! Loves!
Dou Miao, high class vege for my birthday k?
My stylo mother.
Bought meself new slippers for the big three o.
Dad brought me out for Bday lunch also, a first in many years. I'm glad :) This is Dian Xiao Er.
French food w BBT. The bread was pretty awesome. Crusty on the outside, warm and fluffy on the inside.........mmm....
I got the prawns with butter rice and mustard cream sauce. YUMMY decadence. A little too salty for me but that's French food for ya.
Pan seared my some salmon with apple salsa and pasta...... dry rubbed with salt and spices and sizzled on a hot hot hot pan!
This is B's worried smile whenever I do/say something crazy, which is alot lah. Why do people put up with me?
Boss Wilson's dawgs! I LOVE HUSKY and ZEN. I want dogs like that so manja.
The elusive Chick Chick who stays upstairs because she is too uh... "' enthu" She is really a jack russell trapped in a bulldog's body. I want them all!!
Sakunthala Briyani before heading to POW for Midnight Marvel's show. Damn that brings back memories.
Broccoli soup with B at Suntec, not nice. Not creamy nor broccoliny enough :(
RICE CAKES ON JAP CURRY SAUCE, one of my fave comfort foods! Leftover rice mixed with egg, tuna, vege and pan fried with vege curry as a base.
My first snow ice, traumatising Marvel Shirley with Jean. Over this snow ice and other desserts, the Pantyliners were borne.
B likes eating tofu! This one is yums but overpriced!
Beef steak. Coffeeshop style!
Pumpkin steak with slaw. Slathered it with honey and miso and baked it till it creamy goodness.
The painting I did for mum a while back. Looks good on her wall eh? I gonna start on the other two sections when november is done!
ONLY EAT AT Cafe Galilee in Woodlands, not every Galilee serves this.
And finally Amanda Palmer, the lady who rocked my world. Best $38 I ever spent. Like really.
- Wood for the fire
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- borndefiant
- November 8th, 2:26
Uber bitchy post, here we go:
By now, close friends and many ex friends know I burn em bridges fast and loose. You'll sense a cold chill, and if you persist in not addressing the issue. Poof I'm gone.
Valuable contact? Ex lover? Friends for years?
Well I don't give a flying face about contacts, never did, never will. Ex lover? You are a slimebag/annoyed me. Friends for years, then act like there are some boundaries you will keep for the sake of thee fucking friendship and stop bagging me behind my back.
Fact is, I used to beat myself up over this. I would reproach myself, tell myself I can do this. Be one of those " bigger" people who take the "high road". Be ok with things, reason it out. People see me have an outburst or two and they think I lack control, they have no idea how many goddam nights I've held it all in for the sake of friendship, love and peace only to go back and cry my eyes raw.
" Things are ok why u go fuck it up for?" They'd say.
Well peeps, things were ok cause I was holding my misery in. Slapping myself on the wrist for feeling angry, sad, confused.
And why should I?
Why should I hold it in when you wankers out there treat me carelessly, call me names, think badly of me, betray me, lie to me, belittle me,backstab me and all the while claiming to be a friend, an ally.
Truth was, in the past I had no spine, I wanted to be a really really good person. But I have flaws, and I tried so hard to hide these flaws because I did not want to destroy some bullshit relationship that I feel only disdain over, thinking things would change. And in the end it imploded in me and I went stark raving mad.
I'm pretty ok alone. I hardly think of being among people as a top choice to chill out. People always have served as a further step into confusion, save for the choice few whom I've had the pleasure of knowing and having around. It's hard for me to say it, cause I do enjoy playing gigs and it's quite contradicting if u dun already know what the shit I'm talkng about.
But yes, I'm happy alone, doing me alone things, facing my paranoia, releasing my frustrations, on my own. it gives me strength.
So I am in no desperate need for company, do not give a shit about networking ( PR nightmare, lucky I don't do this for a living!) and heaven strike me down if I ever become those " friends" who talk shit about you behind your back.
My friends, you know I have never said a single bad thing about you, I'll stand up for you, I'll help you if you are truly down. When you are having a bad time, my thoughts are always with you, I feel sad because u feel sad, I am truly happy when you are happy. I am your friend, we are in each other's lives because somehow or the other, there is something about you that I respect and will always encourage you to uphold.
You know it because the people I bitch to you about are not my friends anymore. You know that we had our conflicts but we had the balls to trash it out.
" You're a fool, your friends are probably doing the fucked up shit you hate right now."
What should I do to friends who do fucked up shit to me? Hmm??
I'm not gonna waste my time smiling at people who make me so angry my skin crawls. I'd rather be hangin out with someone who feels like family or with my cat.
Pretty extreme? Yes, I repeat i agree, but real?
Abso-fuckin-lutely. No fake friendships, no "alliances".
Just me and a couple of people who can tahan me.
Rest of you, fuck off and peace out.
- ?
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- borndefiant
- November 7th, 0:13
Am feeling rather angst and repressed these days. Hope it passes. It might just be fatigue.
- The fear
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- borndefiant
- October 24th, 3:41
I guess life's lemons taught me one thing, fear is just a feeling, it cannot physically kill you.
Reactions to fear... can. So as long as I react only to the thoughts and emotions which, if executed properly, will shower me with positivity and joy, life can really rock.
It's like back when I was a kid. The euphoria of being included in a group by talking trash and putting people down always came with a deep sense of shame and desperation to remain included. But when I drew a really nice picture or wrote a nice song, the good feeling lasts, it never fails me.
- Flash Mob at Raffles Place!!!
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- borndefiant
- October 24th, 1:29
- Do we have to ask for Justice?
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- borndefiant
- October 18th, 15:16
It was bound to happen. Mohsin continues to write according to his conscience in order to expose the horrible corruption and exploitation of Bangladeshi workers. That kind of courage can't go unpunished for long. When the boss of Marine Con Training Centre, Rahim, and the employment agent Jashim (Union Overseas) who snuggles up with Yasmin Sultana asked Mohsin to meet for a discussion, he might have thought he'd come away with more information for the article he was writing.I woke up today to this distressing news. Mohsin helped me alot when I volunteered at Cuff Road. He is a dignified and quiet man. But ask him to translate a worker's grievance to us and he comes to life with a genuinely empathetic and passionate delivery. He tries so hard ALL THE TIME to bring truth to us, bridge the language barrier to help his countrymen. I'm not exaggerating, I felt it the first time I asked him for someone's story.
And now he's been beaten up by a bunch of thugs and the police did some cuckoo things like delete the photo of one of the culprits from his handphone. Please read and follow his case. Without Mohsin the cause for a fairer Singapore will suffer a heavy blow.
Mohsin Takes A Beating
Rahim, Jashim and two others questioned him in Lamea Restaurant about the documentary film Lyn and James made, and about his upcoming article, causing relations to quickly sour. They made threats, Mohsin stayed calm, threats turned to violence, and a substantial scuffle ensured. They hit him on the head with a vase, knocked him in the jaw, pushed him to the floor and kicked him when he was down. The crowd outside the restaurant seemed to consist largely of these guys' friends, but a few who knew Mohsin were among them. People outside could see what was happening inside because the security cameras fed this information to the TV screens positioned outside the restaurant. Two or three guys came in to help pull the others off of him, and ensure his safety.
The fight took place at 7:00-7:30 pm 17 October. At 7:43 Mohsin called the police. They came and questioned both sides, but told Mohsin that there was no reason to pursue the matter since it was simply one man's word against another. They refused to take statements. Mohsin called friends to support him, which brought me and Lyn and James there by around 8:30. The three of us escorted him to the Rochor Police station.
Initially the police seemed dismissive and reluctant to take his statement. Their concentration wandered and the young guy's attention kept faltering: What work do you do? Why did those guys want to meet you? What do they have against you? Why didn't you call the police earlier? What kind of work do you do?...
He had called the police, as he told them again and again, and this took some time to sink in. Officer Tan, who recorded the incident made repeated calls which must have given him the insight to take an interest in this case. In the end the police report fairly represented the series of events: the men involved, the motivation for the assault, the nature of Mohsin's writing, the pushing and hitting and the injuries, the verbal threats. The report doesn't mention the police taking his handphone from him and deleting the photo he has taken earlier of Jashim (with Jashim's permission), or the reason the police gave for not taking statements when they came to investigate the scene.
When we left the police station, about 2 hours later, the police said they would see about getting a copy of the video footage from Lameas. We went with Mohsin to the A&E at NUH to have the injuries tended and recorded.
Lynn and James stayed with him at the hospital, and I went home. Mohsin is not seriously hurt, but has a visible lump on his forehead, a painful jaw, and other sore spots where he was kicked.
Mohsin plans to take this complaint to the magistrates court on Monday.
The police station was filled with the fallout from many happy drunken Tamil Deepavali street parties.
Debbie Fordyce
Copy of the police report to follow later.
Please share this information as you see fit.
Best wishes to you, Mohsin.
- Jeff covers Nina Simone
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- borndefiant
- October 18th, 0:33
Whatever the mind can take you, the soul can take you further.
- Is Singapore really slum free?
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- borndefiant
- September 29th, 1:17
Explain to me how anyone would even look at that space and assume 20 men can stay there comfortably??? Fuck you Tiong Seng.
- Ba dee ya Dancin in September!
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- borndefiant
- September 28th, 17:04
mellow
The countdown to the end of 2009 is upon us. I have no idea where the year went, heck I dun even remember much of the past month.
That is why my friends, I take pictures:
Gamma Rays EP Launch. Wonderful show it was, such talented and likeable kids :)
Strawberry and Broccoli salad at Mad Jacks is YUMS!
Painting at H.O.M.E, so awesome!
I got commissioned to paint the shop front and the insides to create more awareness for the internet cafe upstairs.
Thanks to Helen, Analisa, Kiathanda, Rosanna, Cherry, mummy and many others who helped me!
A main wall left to do! YAY!
Cereal sotong at Ah Mengs! MMMmm!
My home made apple jap curry. Yeah real apple cubes in there with root veg and a nice side of oniony sambal!
Chloe peers into her relatively portioned ramen in a disproportionately LARGE bowl.
Errik is in UK now!!! This is us at his Molly Malone's farewell.
Priya and I at her shop opening.
The Tekka Centre wet market in the morning. A rare sight indeed for me.
Thick soup I made for B and I one night.
Doing the mural at East Coast sure has it's perks. Here's the Ampang Yong Tau Foo I had for dinner!
And watermelon ice cream from a locally owned ice cream shop :D
BBQ fries is the answer to my late night cravings.
Ozzomatli at F1. Not many people knew who they were, but they put up an awesome show. See below vid:
Tentacle shaped lights are awesome forever.
BBT's cool set up at Doug's. I wuv my band, do u all love me?
Am a bit woozy from the fever and the panadols ( it's the caffeine it contains I suspect). Planned to go out in the evening and work on my CH set, but I really just wanna lie down and forget to eat dinner again like last night....
Toodles!
- Something's broken here.
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- borndefiant
- September 28th, 5:09
Something's broken that I cannot fix till I figure it out. You know those problems that have a million and one solutions? Need to find the right one, the right approach, the right state of mind.
Perhaps I am a tad jaded by the past year too, good that it was. I need to focus on the positive things and work toward more positive memories. It be what it be.
I got shitz to do, buggin begone! :D
- Vassup?
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- borndefiant
- September 24th, 3:18
Im forcing myself to write an entry. Why right? Why force myself? Cause deep in the night is when I feel this negative energy coursing through my soul most acutely, when it's the flow of this negativity that I am restfully following, I need to combat it with an upstream paddle to the sun.
How do I combat it amidst the million and one reasons for me to tell myself I'm worthless? I need to believe in it. I need to believe that stability only looks good when I am on the other side, that I am living how I want to, and that if I perservere and believe in it, I will be able to harvest the fruits that stability offers, and then some.
The life I chose is only as productive as I make it, when accomplishments and excitement weaken, I have only myself to blame. I have no big company name to fall back on, no affiliates to sponge off, no able musician to back me up while I do the easiest thing and claim it is my show.
It is a pure report card, I need to face it, warts and all and know that I'm slipping through no one else's fault but my own.
If I wanna own the wins, I needz to own the failures and especially these jello spongecake moments that incapacitates even my will to write.
Swimming upstream, writing with no intention to write. And through it I found an intention.
Allow me to hold on to this flame till the end :)
- Nice Dream
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- borndefiant
- August 31st, 13:38
I dreamt I was in a tour bus with B and familiar faces of this world. We rode past this giant fair ( strangely enough it was supposed to be run by Disney) that stretched across an entire desert, like a very surreal Egyptian marketplace. There were all kinds of things for sale and wierd colourful rides.
In the far distance a giant toy dog the size of a house was bouncing on an even bigger bouncy castle. It flopped and somersaulted awkwardly just above the horizon and it made me damn happy.
Our tour guide was a friend I had not seen for a long time, when we reached the hotel, we were told that we can use the Tony Awards elevator. B and the tour guide excitedly recounted the times they met WIll Smith and Tony Braxton while taking the lift. " Yah alot of big stars ride that lift!" I hopped up and down with anticipation. Which prompted my friend to literally morph into Bai Ling and do a showtune with a group of dancers while leading us upstairs.
We were supposed to head down for a " lovely dinner with free flow champagne" but I woke up.
Before this dream I dreamt that I was room hunting with a girlfriend. We went to see one place that was like a HUGE HDB flat, two storeys high and large window overlooking an old school shopping centre's walkway. I thought it was a damn cool place. But the girl who's room my friend was supposed to take over told us the uncle very irritating. " My friend and I were watching TV halfway's, and he just come and switch channel over and over without asking!" So we went to a second place and my friend exclaimed excitedly that it was PERFECT! It was an old school looking hongkongish apartment.
Yay! It's raining on a relatively relaxed home day!
- Voldemort also will feel a bit sad one can?
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- borndefiant
- August 28th, 2:17
We all deal with our frustrations with friends and family our own way. I choose to tell it in the person's face and burn the muthafuckin bridge rather than huddle in a gang behind the person's back and bitch up a storm. Hypocrites and malicious gossipers can suck it.
That's not friendship, friendship is sticking up for your friend and having that person stick up for you. Friendship is also about trust. Knowing and believing that someone won't do something simply because I see them as a friend.
I've been hurt monumentally over and over because of this undying belief in what is defined as a friend. But it only strengthens my resolve to be surrounded by people like that. And now I am, so I won't tolerate anything less.
- Let's peek into the phone cam shall we?
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- borndefiant
- August 18th, 4:39
Food! Cats! Gigs! Peeps!
The Swordfish steak I made for the family. Comes sitting atop sweet potato mash and a hazelnut & cherry tomato salsa. The fish had a crunchy nut and lemon zest crust on top but mine stuck to the pan and so I ate it before plating. The rest I baked so no such problem!
Post Note: This one in the picture is the one I steamed in a foil packet for mum cause she cannot take grilled stuffz.
Yummy rice fritters on crunchy veges I concocted one night from leftover rice.
Pidan sleeping in her usual wierd pose. I disturbed her with the camera quite a bit this month!
Boss Wilson's dogs: Husky the uh.. husky and Zen the Shitzu. Extreme manja-ness! I loves!
Hardly discernable but this be a rare moment when pidan fell asleep on my lap. She dun do that too often since she grew up.
My first apple pie! Hazelnut crust with date paste and crumble on top!
Looks prettier than it tastes. It was nice but I definitely have had better apple pie.
I made pidan lie on my abdomen and purr as a remedy to my stomach cramps. Works!
Having fun with plastic bag :D I love Pidan!
B and I had Mary's tau kwa pau at Parkway!
Can Boey take a decent picture?
no...
Yummiest mint bubble tea I've had in a long time. From Lai Lai noodle in Seah Street ( I think, near bugis!)
Batter fried century egg was surprisingly good, but not much of the century egg taste left.
B's herbal pork rib noodle.
My soupy fish noodle. The soup was AWESOME. I need to go back there for my alone time soon man!
Rock
Paper
Scissor
Seaweed vege tom yam soup I made one night. SOOOOOO YUM. I need to replenish my tom yam soup base already!
My little zen garden.
A siamese mushroom! And I ate it!
Empty tau kwa at the Esplanade makes me nervous. Twas soundcheckin with the Lard Brothers for their two day showcase there!
Alot of people I have not seen for a long time turned up! Like Jean!!!! That crazy girl!!!
She even bought me a flower! And B came to support also and show me the manly way he holds asunflowerGerbera.
Jean Hair and her vampie. Do not be fooled by their harmless demeanour, off camera they were disturbingly violent!
Nothing like a late night steamboat to end off the post gig high. It's always damn fun to sing the local classics that helped shape who I am today. Kinho poor thing, he already had dinner and had to leave early, so he spent a good half hour or so sipping on water and watching us order heaps of food. BURHURHURHUR! We ate so much, it's not even funny. All our jaws dropped when the lady balanced the tray with our food over. It was like 4 or 5 layers high! They dun call them Lard Brothers for nothing.
My happysunflowerGerbera at home! Wilting oredi, shout I dry it? Gerberas like Sunflowers dun dry well :(
The night/morning before BBT's 3 course gig at the Concourse I was making last minute additions to the EP like lyrics and stickers and what not. I am so glad I managed to present the EP the way I intended. With alot of heart. That's what being indie means to me, a direct connection with the audience. Putting out what I love and hoping you love it too!
HEH Sick!
Chloe actually stayed back after work to watch us and even help us peddle our EPs and swindle Robin of 2 dollars! You go girl!
She also allowed me the privilege of being in her shocking pink lips club. POUT.
So I had some pie crust left and decided to make some mini apple pies. But I find out, only after I had diced the apples and dates that the dough was already funky cause I did not freeze it. So I improvised and made french toast muffins! I buttered some slices of bread heavily and arranged them into the muffin mould , topped it with the apple mixture and then poured egg over them so they all stick together. It turned out really well! Savoury and sweet, like french toast served with cinammon apple. And healthy too! All the desserty sugary goodness came from the dates and nothing else! I'm hooked on them!
Look at that cute muthafucka. Ah Num Num Num.
OOT! I gotta get some sleep. Managed to catch up with my work which I had somewhat neglected because of the gigs. Woohoo!!!!
- Dad Update
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- borndefiant
- August 13th, 13:37
Doctor found another tumour that was not detected by the PET scan and removed it. Can be undetected? OH Mother of CCBs.
- Mofos and Mangosteen Murders
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- borndefiant
- August 13th, 4:59
Fuck, newspaper man already making his rounds and I've just taken a shower and too lazy to dry my hair, though only then can I really sleep. Buh.
Dad's in hospital till Monday ( so the doctor says) to remove the cancerous parts of his liver and node, he fully trusts this new oncologist surgeon and was in super high spirits, even calling home to ask Leanna to buy 4D for him. The older he gets the easier to love, my dad.
I think mum got the same phone as I did and I taught her to video call me. Totally fun!
Babu left for Bangladesh yesterday at 10PM. I still remember the first time he said hi to me smiling or how he bonded with B with dance over dinner. He and Mosingh were the guys who helped me the most when I started at Cuff Road. Pity I did not manage to talk to him longer when I bumped into him at Mustafa some weeks back....
MOM moved his departure two days earlier, calling him onthe day itself to notify. It's quite disrespectful, Babu wanted to have dinner and all that with us before he left ( supposedly on Friday). Now cannot. BOO.
I have not been at Cuff Road for close to two months now I think. Hope to get the time.
National Day came and went. I hate that I cannot say I love Singapore without people:
a) Telling me they hate Singapore and laughing dryly.
b) Assuming I am some deluded soul who thinks the govt is all knowing and godlike.
Well I am not. I get plenty of inside scoops from my dad and mom who were both in the force and hung out with politicians from both sides.
I cannot love a country because it's my home? Because of the friends and family? Because of the intrinsic culture we have? Because I define Singapore - the country as more than just it's ruling party?
I must be blind and stupid because I think it's pretty damn cool that a small, insignificant place like ours managed to work up enough political and economical ties to surpass what one would expect of a 40 yr old SEA country isle?
So many countries are better than us you say, we gotz no reason to be proud. Yah we are small and opportunities are more limited than the rest of the world. GO TO THAT COUNTRY then, like really, fight for your dreams any way u can. I seriously respect people who go out and find their own happiness rather and stick around and bring down the joy of others to get off.
Our country's got it's lame and condemn moments but it's got some awesome history as well. Why can't I be proud of the good as much as u are enraged by the bad, I am enraged too, but it's National Day for fuck's sake!
Why this shame in being Singaporean? Why is it the disturbingly cool thing to diss your own country? I've met people from countries with fucked up incidences in history too.But they love their home and celebrate their national day, at least that's what they tell the foriegners. We? We go out to other country and diss our own country. Y? Sadz.
Mangosteen will kill and moon you:
- Omigodz, it's Punchorama!
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- borndefiant
- August 7th, 15:32
I think I spent more time learning photoshop and dreamweaver on my own than actually doing Uni work. Damn wish I weren't an impulsive deleter than and saved the earlier ones too.
That yellow round thing is Sad Spud!!! My one time mascot!
Aiya wish i saved the full html. The words move and the poodle shakes for this one. Flash rocks!
Our car which the ex smashed.
- Of breaks and breakdowns.
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- borndefiant
- July 29th, 3:57
scared
No I'm not complaining and wishing I could turn back time. But I am feeling a tad drained.
June was a major workfest and I thought I could chill in July. But the few consecutive free days I had were spent with a constant sense of panic from the sudden idleness that was in massive contrast to having so much to do just a few days before. By the time I was ready to really rest, recording has begun and new projects came a-knocking.
And recording Yap's project and Justin's Nightwish cover is kicking my ass. To try your best and not hit expectations on an almost daily basis can be quite demoralising. It does bruise my ego, but I feel bad that I am not bringing their vision to the table and contributing to the efficiency of the process u know? But I won't give up, tho I am tired and rather "meh" about my limitations as a recorder. Today was killer. I sang and sang from 3.30PM to 3.00AM, starting with frenchy pop jazz to operatic harmonising. IT'S MAD!
There are the 2 Esplanade gigs with Lard Bros and BBT I have to prepare for as well. Esplanade management is hard to please, I'm troubled as to how I should approach my stage persona for the durian.
Design stuff is coming too, hope it puts a decent amount in my pocket, but it means alot of supposed "free days" at home working till the wee hours indulging in my stupid habit of tweaking layouts in really non-practical ways. No cannot compromise.
Suddenly my special turning 30 project feels unrealistic. I'll be lucky to be able to look back on August with a sense of achievement unfettered by any inkling of failure.
According to my screen, I have around 10hrs before I have a new toy to play with and of course I have around 3 more days before my other toy arrives.
I'm scared that everything that I really care about doing well in is marching up side by side. Why can't things come at a comfortable pace?
Night Night.
