[info]borndefiant

Borndefiant

Whatever you are used to, I am not.

(no subject)
[info]borndefiant
July 11th, 4:45

http://twilight-galaxy.blogspot.com/

The Twilight girls worked really hard for this shindig. Come down and make it worthwhile.

Come dressed all space-like! I be wearing a floaty white dress and something silvery ( haven't decided yet). COME COME! Chobitss u cosplayers should come and make it a fun scene!

Identify! Identify!
[info]borndefiant
July 8th, 4:39
Current Mood:
melancholy
Current Music:
Have you seen my childhood - MJ
Nice? I'm happy with it.
 


I look like a sarcastic robot. OOT!
 
They just moved MJ's body out of the memorial. All that's left of the man on our good earth is in that coffin, it's too much reality to bear.

I said alot of shit since news of his death broke. But one thing u cannot deny:

We really are the sum of our actions, and that boy did a WHOLE LOT.

There really is no time to wallow.
I wish I weren't so weak.

My new 1Terrabyte ( that's 1000GBs you mofos!) is serving me well. His name is Juggernaut Excavadius and you shall bow to him. It's insane to have my whole life of stuff in that one beautiful contraption. Hail technology!

Have you bought tickets to Twilight Galaxy? Analog Girl playing all, somemore for charity. You give the money and the uncles and aunties at Sungei road get a nutritious meal from Food#03's Soup Kitchen.

Dun be an apathetic and lifeless blob, GO BUY NOW! It's this Sunday for fuck's sake!
Bye bye .ico, hello .png
[info]borndefiant
July 4th, 18:55
 


I feel like the only one, but I hate that the new Windows OS looks so much like Mac's.

Pretty that it is, it's not the Windows I have grown accustomed with. Even now I use XP theme and I feel wierd.

Remember Windows 3.1?



That's the Windows I'll always remember most fondly, for sentimental reasons. The first time I got a computer, using to run dos games and drawing nonsense with paintbrush.

I look at the little .ICO files on my desktop and I feel a tad sad. I wish people did not buy into the Mac aesthetic too much. I wish Windows gave a more contrasting alternative. Cause it feels like the " I'm a Mac" ads that paint them out as uncool is actually getting to them.

And it shouldn't. I would buy a Mac for it's horse-power. But not for it's OS, and certainly not for the hip factor.

Windows is not about "cool" geeks. It's about geeks who are not cool and don't give a shit. It's about people who use a computer for things but dun allow it to dictate their style.

It's about the simple folk. Like me.
It will be money well spent.
[info]borndefiant
June 29th, 14:55
Read their story through Willy's twitter post and it broke my heart. Last mentioned on Charmaine's blog, they are close to their mark. GOGOGO!



Read more and see how you can help the little girl here.
Fast becoming a hobby
[info]borndefiant
June 22nd, 1:48
Hey Marck Jayson,
 
Sorry I cannot help you as I'm quite bad with money I know I sposed to disregard the email if I dun do this type of business but I just thought I'd help with some advice: 
 
Why dun u store it in your ass? The hot air will keep it nice and crisp.
 
Cheers
BD
 
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Sunday, June 21, 2009 3:05 AM
Subject: Enquiry
 
Hello

Can you invest/safeguard funds amounting to Eighteen million, Two Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds 18.2 Million GBP) which will be under your control in your country.

The details of the transaction and fund will be communicated to you when you indicate interest and willingness to assist in this business venture. If you are serious and willing to do this business,kindly get back to me to verify your capability to handle this business: If you can not do this business, kindly discard or disregard the mail.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Kind Regards,
Mr. Marck Jayson

Maskerade: I had a good time. Did you?
[info]borndefiant
June 21st, 2:35

Props to Shi Ying for the shot!
:)
[info]borndefiant
June 18th, 13:44
Q: Does it make you angry that I am so vulgur?

A: It makes me angry that you would think that.
Mask-erade
[info]borndefiant
June 18th, 12:31
The past two weeks I've been running around town buying materials in the first and making the items for the installation till my eyes went blind. To the extent that I actually DREAMT of losing it and hurling random abuse at KR members!

Next week I have my art appreciation thing goin on. I need to block myself off to any possible negativity so I can complete the final challenge for this Jarring June Juju. Then I gonna chill for July. I'm not kiddin. I gonna chill hardcore. I not meant for hard work!

Live well and prosper.
BBT is AWESOME!
[info]borndefiant
June 10th, 3:57
Thanks to Md Noh for the wonderful pictures of me! Me! ME!














 
Beyonce!
[info]borndefiant
June 9th, 2:19
 

I love this woman. Disregarding the shrieks of disapproval from the hardcore fans, I would fuckin love to see her as Wonderwoman!
Saiful & Jamal
[info]borndefiant
June 5th, 12:11
Jamal came to Singapore from Bangladesh around two weeks ago. He had sold his home, moved his family to stay with his in-laws to pay the S$7000 to come here. The agent who was to be his guide, brought him to some random place and proceeded to disappear in the crowd. 12 days of wandering and sleeping in public places with nothing else but a visitors permit and a return ticket home later, Jamal found himself sitting before us, with the glazed expression of a man who is sleep-deprived and distressed. Speaking only in Bengali, we learnt of his story through a helpful translator.

" I also same!" exclaimed Saiful ( hope I got his name right!), a neat looking man in a batik shirt from behind me. In fluent English, he told us how he too, paid close to S$7000 to come here, only to be left wandering in a foreign country for 20 days with nothing much else save for the singlet and pants he had on.

" Then I meet Debbie and she help me. Before I never shave and only wear singlet and shorts. Now today I just get this new shirt. I going home tonight."

The bunch of us asked around on what Jamal could possibly do. Little things we tried to extend to him, like a snack and a drink and a free dinner, both as an attempt to lift his spirits and on my part an attempt to assuage my frustrating state of helplessness in the face of  his grief.

In the end we could only offer advice to make a police report, a report to the embassy, and simply for him to make his way home...

How do you tell a guy that he has just lost his home and there is not much hope of him getting it back? That though we aim to help, we cannot help him in any way that is practical?

Jamal took it in with an often meek and resigned expression. At the end he forced a smile to show appreciation.

Saiful bade us farewell " Thank you all, I will never forget you!" He exclaimed with such optimism and strength.

Two men who have been royally screwed and left despondant for days in my country. Telling me that I am part of a positive memory, it was grace bestowed upon me by two men of wisdom and fairness. Because I did nothing but sit there and offer what I could as a human.

Cuff Road stories have never been stories of my encounters there, it is a testament to the strength of these exploited individuals who take life as it is and survive through it with nary a scratch on their humanity.

The shame that  I am instead fraught with so much neurosis, when nothing half as fucked has ever happened to me. For shame.
Manifesto
[info]borndefiant
June 4th, 14:41
Conflict is a strange consequence of the human condition. I've been exposed to a world which I am not very sure of the past few months. Very far removed from the world I know and love. Amidst the trials and errors and the efforts to not let anyone who has included me down, I developed a conflict within myself. The promises I made of myself and the quality of life which I wish to uphold.

I know I josh around about lying down and being lazy. But the truth of the matter is, the basis of my lifestyle lies in my conviction to be in a state of harmony and moderation that allows me to formulate a clear and unfettered direction. From there then I can lay down actions and accomplishments I can look back on with real pride.

Monetary returns, though always welcome is not the top of my list. Fame and recognition from people I don't really think much of is also not my concern. Undeserved power through affiliation is also not something I enjoy.

My own personal manifesto can be surmised in the following points:
  • Accomplishing and succeeding in work of value. Value that transcends the dictation of monetary and material wealth.
  • Never bending my values even in the face of seemingly indomitable corporate power.
  • Not so much insistence, but the inability to conform my LIFE to anything that goes against my grain.
  • I don't work for people. I work with people.
  • To never take the easy route of fundamentalism when in comes to morality and ambitions.
I'm moderate. I'm unambitious. I always do my best. I think with my heart and process with my mind.

Most importantly, I value every project for it's potential to be, the people who inspire me with their strong points, the group dynamic that encourages me to look at humanity positively and my own propensity to help. Every damn thing.

It's this belief that the things we leave in our trail transcend the laws of economics that keep me going.

I've died once and I don't intend to die again.
Phone Cam pics
[info]borndefiant
June 2nd, 2:07
Was looking through my phone pics and realised I've accumulated a fair pile of pics. Here they be!

Making Israfil's demo. Worked out a nice system here.


Got sticker and everything!


Finished project! Do have a listen at the low quality samples on http://www.myspace.com/israfilhaque


Some nonsense painting I did and tried to sell at a ludicrous price because I was poor. Work harder BD.


Queuing at the AWARE EGM.


Lotto, B and I went for Tandoori after the Art and Vintage flea at GOHD books.


Yummy caramel ice blended, my darling lappie and the drive to work. Everyday like this please!


The view from Yap's corridor where I went for our final pre production session.


B and I went to the Christian Lacroix exhibit. Apparently they've filed for bankruptcy.


A lovely stack of pink tanks at the entrance of National Museum of Singapore


The gorgeous stuff:














They had a workstation for people to doll up their own paper doll. This is B's carefully thought up piece.




Desdemona I think:


Caesar Salad at Food #03: NUM NUM NUM.


Pidan watching TV:


My little sun spell which I did in hopes that it would not rain  on the day of Priya's photoshoot. It did not rain, but there was no sun either...


Cute little balcony we saw at KL  which had blow up figurines everywhere. Most of them holding blown up bottle of beer...


Dollhouse:




My fave part of the HOME Shelter Mural:


I got paid to do the girls' makeup. Best work ever!


A particularly pretty evening ( not edited in any way):


What happened here?


Because there are just too many ugly pictures of me circulating around Facebook.


Home made Ice Jelly! YUM!


B also likes and my mum likes that B likes.


My mother's very shiok curry fish head:


Really Free Mart: I wasn't going to cut hair but I could not resist bringing my spanking new haircutting set along to show off. Ended up cutting Shiying's hair ( she wanted a Spock "do") and trimming ZZ's fringe.


The spoils! A complete batik making set! Two lovely tops and some stuff for an upcoming project. So scared about that!


Delwar makes lunch. Well not really, 3 other guys made the lunch cause Delwar was too depressed. LOOK AT THE AMOUNT OF RICE!


My serve, YUMMY! Cabbage, egg and potato with Ikan Bilis!


Delwar and Zakirul rikes!


Book binding! I told B one day that I wanna get a sketch book for doodling after a particularly enjoyable art lesson. And he told me not to spend money unnecessary. So I thought, maybe I'll just bind my own with the economy sized pack of drawing block paper I got!

This is the bound pages being flattened under some  heavy books:


Laminating  an A2 sized paper for the cover( yah I bothered to take a pic of it to put on the blog, am I a slave to this or what?):


Cutting the corners for a neat fold:




All that effort to form this indiscernable white block:


This is where I am now. Carving out the word "EXIST" on the cover. I gonna lay coloured paper at the bottom!


Urg, so damn tired. I better get me some sleep before I am completely useless tomorrow.
 

Scared
[info]borndefiant
May 31st, 13:32
You know the kind of people I am most scared of? The kinds that talk to you tho they really dun like you. Why waste their time or mine? Nonsense.
Tweet
[info]borndefiant
May 29th, 2:12
Yep me got on twitter! Faddish thing it is, but good to record my comings and goings for people who don't know what the hell I do all the time.

I'm looking at a whole slew of potential fuck-ups in June. I needz to focus and make sure it does not fuck up ( too badly).

We all know what happens when things don't go my way. I throw shameful tantrums.
I love home.
[info]borndefiant
May 26th, 22:32
How can anyone say we don't care?


When in doubt, do nowt
[info]borndefiant
May 25th, 22:22
I'm feeling "meh".

Nothing particularly happened to cause it. Just feel meh. Rather than push through half-heartedly, I'm gonna do nothing till I am 100% again k?
Fun
[info]borndefiant
May 20th, 23:35
Hey, I cannot, I too busy fucking ur mother.

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17:59:00
Dear papa,
[info]borndefiant
May 19th, 18:41
What would u rather I do? Work a routine job and fill my life with material possessions but unhappy? Or working her brains out for the things she loves and believes in for little pay but a whole lot of joy?

As much as you are disappointed in me for not picking the former, I am equally disappointed that you would rather I be rich than happy.

But I just don't say it out loud to you every damn day it strikes you. Cause I know it would break your heart.

But you do it. You not nice.

Examples:

Me: I going for Aware EGM.
Dad: Why you do this kind of thing? So disappointed in you.

Me: I going for Cuff Road project .
Dad: Dunno why you get yourself involved in all this thing. Dunno how come u turn out this way, SO disappointed.

Me: I'm gonna bring the rabbit/cat/hamster to the vet
Dad: Why you spending your money on all this? Why do you choose to live your  life this way? So disappointed.

Me: My friend's mother don't like me.
Dad ( without even hearing my side of the story): Why you go and lead people's daughter astray? Ask them to live like you? Why you turn out this way? I'm so disappointed in you.
*NOTE: I did no such fucking thing and plenty of parents love me and buy me presents.

I'm angry. I don't remind him ( or even let him know of ) the kind of childhood I had. Of how insensitive it is of him to expect me to be normal and excellent when it's only been a year since a suicide attempt after an entire lifetime of psychological distress that his and my mother's life choices have caused me.

I refuse to go corporate, I refuse to marry a rich husband, I REFUSE to be anything just to make a shallow dream come true.

For that I am a disappointment. I am sorry, I really am, but I cannot be that person. I earn my keep ( as I always have) while maintaining my efforts at creating art and music I can be proud of. I'm also careful not to let stress overwhelm me because I know what makes the bomb start ticking now.

I have reasons, THIS keeps me alive and if he dun see it he dun see it.
Dialogue of the month
[info]borndefiant
May 19th, 2:06
A: Eh you and B marry have kids lah!
Me: Why must marry? Cannot leh we both hate kids.
A: Issit? Me too. Why dun you adopt me and M?
Me: HAH but u and M sexual tension! Incest!
A: yah hor also true.
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